God of Malice

“But she doesn’t need to know about this. It’s not that I’m covering up for him. I’m not. I won’t make any excuses for him. I won’t consider it anything less than what it is. However, it’ll remain buried between me and myself. Just like everything about Devlin. Is justice that important? Not when I have to sacrifice my peace of mind for it. I’ve already dealt with a lot of things on my own. What’s another thing to add to the list?”

Glyndon thinks this after Killian assaults her and she contemplates reporting him to the police. As in many other instances, Glyndon must weigh her own desires and peace of mind against what she logically knows is right and just. In addition, this quote emphasizes just how much she hides from her family yet how their opinions still impact her self-worth.

“I learned early on that I don’t fit in the normalized, stagnant, preached society. I was born to reign over it. No questions asked. Control isn’t only a need or a fleeting desire. It’s a necessity that’s as pressing as breathing air. Deep inside me lurks a serial killer with fucked-up fetishes and constant demands to satiate its desires. Sometimes, the urge is dull enough to ignore, but other times, it gets to be so much that red becomes the only color I see.”

These first thoughts directly from Killian’s point of view reveal his inner life from childhood. His thoughts confirm many of Glyndon’s beliefs about him and paint him as arrogant and superior. In addition, they show how much Killian’s urges rule him and how he thinks he can keep them at bay.

“No. Get out of my head. Is this what’s called conditioning? Shouldn’t I feel traumatized instead of…eroticizing it? […] Even I can’t deny that he scores high on physical perfection. But all monsters look beautiful from afar. It’s up close that the ugliness shows. It’s up close that the need to run becomes a need to survive.”

Glyndon thinks this as she considers how attractive Killian is. Logically, she knows she shouldn’t find her attacker attractive, yet she can’t deny her feelings. Glyndon frequently faces this dichotomy throughout the novel as she struggles to comprehend her darker desires.

“Almost every single socially acceptable emotion they have to portray is gradually learned through their environment. Little by little, they perfect their outer image to the point where they’re indistinguishable in a crowd. But if anyone gets close, close enough to see behind the façade, they find out just how dysfunctional, how cardboard they are. How…lonely they actually get.”

Glyndon thinks this of Killian when she recognizes that he likely has antisocial personality disorder. This description highlights her fear of him while also showing some sympathy toward him as she knows how isolating this experience can be because of her brother. This realization lays the groundwork for fears Glyndon voices later in the novel, such as her worry that Killian is incapable of loving her or feeling love.

“She stares at me with that cat-like curiosity. Glyndon thinks she’s not interested in me, but she sometimes watches me as if she wants to peel back my skin and peer inside me, too. It’s the first time anyone has ever looked behind the façade and has been more in tune with what lurked deep within me. Maybe it’s because she already knows I can’t be contained. Or that she’s already seen my demons. And while she’s terrified of them, she’s still curious about them.”

Killian’s description of Glyndon here shows how he often makes assumptions about what Glyndon is feeling about him without asking her about it. This is one of many ways that Killian asserts power over her, yet it also reveals how well he can read and manipulate others. In addition, this quote shows a significant parallel between Glyndon and Killian in that they both desire to peel back the skin of another and see inside, yet while Killian wants to do so literally Glyndon wants to do so only metaphorically.

“An inexplicable intoxication seethes in my veins at being able to taste fear, knowing I’m the reason it’s there in the first place. These occasional doses of depravity allow me to have enough balance to blend into society without turning serial killer on them. I stop myself from killing by hunting and planning for hunting.”

Killian thinks this as the hunt at the Heathens’ initiation begins. He describes taming his homicidal urges by committing smaller acts of cruelty, but this quote also shows how strong and physically palpable these urges are. In addition, it reveals the many parallels between hunting—whether it be animals in his youth or people at the initiation—and how he treats Glyndon.

“It’s still the same Killian from back then, the dark, unhinged Killian. Now that I’m familiar with his nature, I found out just how deranged he could get, so how come I’m not as apprehensive anymore? On the contrary, my thighs tremble and clench at the promise of what’s to come. Is he brainwashing me? Or maybe the gloomy, creepy setting is playing with my head.”

At this point in the novel, Glyndon begins to question her sanity and what is attracting her to Killian. She brings up the “suspension bridge effect” shortly after this quote, highlighting her unease at her attraction and uncertainty about what caused it. Similarly, in this quote, she’s unsure how she feels about Killian and whether she’d consent to having sex with him if he asked.

“His eyes shine with dark sadism and strange satisfaction as I do as he says, partly because I don’t mind this time. Partly because I don’t actually have a choice.”

Like the previous excerpt, this quote reveals Glyndon’s uncertainty about her sexual feelings toward Killian. This moment significantly blurs the definition of consent, showing how she wants to have sex with him but hasn’t been given the choice. Rina Kent prods at the idea of consent throughout the book, prompting readers and characters to consider its role in sex.

“‘Let me guess. Your busy little brain was thinking of that as a way out of actually wanting me?’ ‘I’m pretty sure I don’t want you. I told you. My reaction to you is probably me misjudging fear and anxiety as arousal. Think about it. Every time you touched me, I was scared in some way.’ The more I talk about it, the more it makes sense. There’s no way I’d willingly want this bastard who lacks a human bone in his body.”

This conversation between Killian and Glyndon after she describes the suspension bridge effect shows how she’s trying to deny her feelings for him. It’s somewhat unclear throughout the novel whether Glyndon has fallen prey to the suspension bridge effect, at least early in her relationship with Killian, as her defense here makes sense. Her rejecting her attraction here is something she continues to question throughout the novel.

“Gareth is only seeing him in a dark light, probably because of their history. There’s more to Killian than his violent intent. And no, I’m not defending him. I’m just thinking of it as I would about Lan. Though my brother is a bit different. I think. He loves our parents and us. Or maybe he fakes it so well that we’re blinded to it.”

Glyndon compares her experience of having an antisocial brother with Gareth’s, highlighting how different the two are. Glyndon tries to be more sympathetic toward Gareth, though she still questions whether her view of Landon is just optimistic, whereas Gareth has no hope for Killian because he can’t sympathize with him. This comparison arises multiple times throughout the novel as both Glyndon and Gareth must come to terms with who their brothers really are.

“A bizarre emotion floats through me the more he’s in control. The more he dominates me, making me utterly helpless. Without words, he’s telling me that I have no say in this, that if he wants to ruin me, he will. That if he wants to break me, he will. Instead of hurting me, he’s choosing to fuck me. Not so nicely, definitely without a gentle bone in his body, but I can tell he was holding back when he first entered me earlier. I can also tell that it didn’t come naturally to him and he probably struggled with restraining his beast.”

Glyndon’s thoughts illuminate how she feels when she has sex with Killian. Similar to how she sympathizes with him in the previous quote, here she assumes he’s being relatively gentle and trying not to hurt her. Thoughts like these eventually lead Glyndon to take her romantic feelings for Killian seriously.

“I wonder how it looks on the inside, in the middle of all the blood. What else could I find? But that would mean I’d have to open her up for it, like all those postmortem patients, and the idea sends a queasy feeling to my stomach. If I do see inside her, I’ll lose her voice, her warmth, her temper, and even her irritating fight. Everything. I don’t want her dead. Fuck. I actually don’t want her dead and I’m ready to fight my demons so they’ll abandon the urge to see inside her.”

Killian wonders what it would be like to dissect Glyndon as he enjoyed doing to animals and cadavers. Though he knows this would satiate his darkest urges, he knows it would kill Glyndon, so he begins to understand that he has some positive feelings for her. This is a major turning point for Killian: He begins to appreciate Glyndon as a person rather than just prey.

“‘I know you’re not ready to admit it, but I felt something from you or I wouldn’t have continued.’ ‘Something like what?’ ‘Your desire.’ ‘No way would I have felt desire for you under those circumstances. You’re just making excuses.’ ‘No, I’m just telling you my side of the story.’ ‘So you’re not even sorry?’ ‘You know I don’t feel that. And I will not apologize for something we both enjoyed.’ ‘I did not enjoy it.’ Her shoulders shake with how much she’s trying to suppress her nature.”

Killian and Glyndon discuss the night when they first met and he assaulted her. Narrated from Killian’s point of view, the conversation makes it clear that he doesn’t consider the things Glyndon is telling him as he decides what she wants and enjoys. His refusal to apologize further establishes him as an objective villain in the novel.

“‘I don’t want to be yours.’ ‘Not your call to make.’ ‘I don’t want to lose myself,’ I admit, tears gathering in my cheeks. ‘You won’t.’ ‘How would I know? You’re getting your way with me.’ […] the fight in me is long gone. I still murmur. ‘I’ll never be yours.’ […] [He demands] that I say the words. I don’t. He could kill me and I fucking wouldn’t. This is the last part I have of myself, and I vehemently refuse to hand it over. He said he wouldn’t lie to me. I will. Until he finally lets me go.”

This excerpt of a conversation between Glyndon and Killian shows her struggle for power over herself. Though she submits to him in many ways, her refusal to completely give up this last piece of herself shows how she’s still trying to maintain some autonomy. Her suggestion that this might be a lie in the final sentences also shows how she still fears Killian and knows she could never escape him if she admitted to belonging to him.

“This week has been bubbling with a sense of…freedom. Yes, it’s the scary type—the type where I have to be held down and made helpless to be able to come, but it’s freedom all the same. It’s the first time I’ve felt like I could let go and not overthink it, have panic attacks about it, or look at myself in the mirror and be disgusted.”

This quote shows how Glyndon is beginning to accept her feelings for Killian and feels at ease about occasionally giving up power over herself. The mention of her previous disgust and panic attacks show how she has hidden this part of herself for some time, but now she’s also beginning to accept the truth of her own desires.

“I will go ahead and say that I fully expected her to run for the hills when I admitted that I liked to kill yesterday. […] So imagine my fucking surprise when she stayed. She was scared shitless, trembled with it, almost threw up because of it, but she stayed. However, she did something a lot more interesting than staying. Glyndon actually listened. She asked questions, too, and was completely in the moment with me. She wanted to know that side of me and refused the masks the whole world—my parents included—are comfortable with. Glyndon motherfucking King said she wanted the truth and meant it this time.”

Killian’s thoughts after Glyndon asks him if he genuinely wants to kill show just how different she is compared to most others and how she wants to empathize with him despite fearing him. His view of her shifts again into a more positive light: He starts to appreciate her for her actions toward him rather than just what he can do to her.

“Then if I ask for your heart, will you give it? Of course you won’t. You don’t have it. All your emotions are learned, right? So even if you say you like me, you adore me, you love me, I’ll never believe them, because you don’t believe them either. You say I love you to your mum all the time, but you told me it’s just to placate her. You’ve never felt what love is. You don’t know what love is.”

Glyndon asks this of Killian once she realizes she’s falling in love with him. As with her previous assessment of his feelings in Important Quote #5, Glyndon doubts that Killian even has the capacity to consider loving her, knowing how he thinks of his own emotions. In this way, Kent asks important thematic questions about The Nature of Love and who is capable of receiving it.

“I don’t think I’d ever be able to find pleasure if I wasn’t choked, thrown down, and properly claimed without me having a say in it. I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy this with anyone but Killian. Because as much as I hate to admit it, I trust him. He likes to hurt me, but he doesn’t want to break me. He always said he wanted my fight, to dominate me, to hold me down and have his way with me, but he also gets off on me enjoying every second of it.”

Glyndon’s thoughts highlights how much power Killian has over her, both sexually and emotionally. Though their relationship began as purely sexual and about power, this quote shows how Killian now occasionally considers Glyndon’s feelings and wants her to be happy. However, this also shows how much Glyndon has become addicted to Killian and how she’d have difficulty escaping from him if she tried.

“Love can’t be forced or explained, it just happens.”

Glyndon’s mother, Astrid, says this to Glyndon when she asks about her parents’ relationship. At this moment, Glyndon is still confused about whether she can or should deny her feelings for Killian, given the dissonance between her emotions and logic. Again this quote thematically connects to questions about The Nature of Love and whether love can be controlled or denied.

“Why should I be heartbroken, crying, and feeling miserable when the bastard doesn’t feel any of those emotions and never will? The least I can do is hit him where it hurts to prove he has no hold on me. And where it hurts is his mountain-sized ego.”

After Glyndon learns about what Killian told Devlin just before his death, she returns to her belief that Killian is incapable of true emotions. She begins to put herself first when considering how to proceed with him. Her thoughts contrast Killian and her, comparing his lack of emotions with the overpowering emotions she now feels.

“And since when do you think you’re enough? You’re nothing more than a fucking coward, Glyn. You sing this tune of being misunderstood and say that your art is compared to your mother’s and brothers’, but ever thought it’s because you’re mediocre as fuck and shouldn’t even be painting in the first place? What type of artist is scared shitless of ending their life? How about you start practicing what you preach?”

This is what Devlin tells Glyndon just before he supposedly drives off a cliff after she denies his request to join him in doing so. Not only does Devlin directly address many of Glyndon’s biggest insecurities, but he hurts her even further by betraying her trust, as he previously supported her. Though Glyndon frequently thinks of small excerpts from the conversation, this is the first time the novel wholly reveals this scene.

“See, what I gather about love is that it’s noble, tender, and means if you love someone enough, you may have to let them go. Understand this, Glyndon, there’s nothing noble or tender about what I feel for you. It’s a violent volcano of obsession, possession, and deranged lust. If you want love, then I do love you, but it’s the unorthodox version of love. I love you enough to let you within my walls. I love you enough to let you talk to my demons. I love you enough to allow you to have a hold over me when I’ve never allowed anyone to have the power to destroy me from the inside out.”

Killian says this to Glyndon after she again worries that he’s incapable of feeling love. This quote shows how his definition of love, as he only reluctantly calls it, differs from standard definitions like Glyndon’s. Though his description of love contrasts with hers, it also shows how deep Killian’s feelings for Glyndon are.

“With the blood on his fingers and hand, it sounds more sinister, but it’s all a part of Killian. And when I fell for him, I had to take the whole package. The good, the ugly, and the fucked-up.”

Glyndon’s thoughts shortly after Killian has declared his form of love for her, just after he revealed that he didn’t kill Devlin, show Glyndon coming to terms with a decision she has had to make throughout the novel. She finally understands that she must accept all of Killian because she loves him. This quote frames love as something Glyndon has no say in but as something she can’t deny no matter how hard she tries.