When Bad Things Happen to Good People

One of the more controversial arguments in Kushner’s interpretation of theology is that God is not omnipotent in the classical sense. Instead, the author posits that God created a universe governed by natural laws and human free will, which even He does not override. Kushner insists that God does not cause natural disasters, illnesses, or human cruelty, nor does He prevent them. Instead, he sees God’s role as that of providing comfort, love, and inner strength to those who seek out His guidance. While his stance on this issue challenges traditions that stress divine intervention, Kushner’s intention is to provide a radical but potentially liberating perspective for grieving people to consider. His viewpoint attempts to solve the paradox of theodicy by allowing for the coexistence of suffering and a benevolent deity. In practice, this approach helps individuals to preserve their faith in times of inexplicable loss because they will not need to justify that loss as being part of an unknowable, divine plan. If this perspective were to be employed in grief counseling or spiritual direction, it may help clients to maintain their spiritual connections and come to terms with life’s randomness.

Rather than seeking metaphysical explanations for tragedy, Kushner advises readers to find meaning in how they respond to suffering. He suggests that the value of life is not in its fairness or predictability but in how people choose to act in the face of adversity. As an example, Kushner cites the story of his son, Aaron, whose quiet courage helped him to embrace a meaningful life despite his diagnosis of progeria. Aaron’s attitude of quiet forbearance inspired his classmates and teachers, and he received a wealth of community support that helped him to mitigate the physical limitations of his condition. For his friends and family, his life served to illustrate that suffering may not be meaningful in itself, but the human response to it can create that meaning. This approach aligns with existentialist thinkers like Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist who languished in four different concentration camps during World War II. Frankl argued that meaning can be found even in suffering, and he specifically addressed those—like himself—who were confronted with an inescapable situation, advising them to change their outlook when they cannot change their circumstances. This reframing transforms suffering from an existential dead end into an opportunity for ethical and emotional engagement.

Kushner underscores the emotional damage caused by assigning blame—either to oneself, to others, or to God—in the wake of a tragedy. He explains that grief often brings guilt, particularly when people believe they could have done more or behaved differently. To illustrate the futility of this mindset, he presents the hypothetical example of two sons who lost their mothers and regretted their own choices when dealing with their respective mothers’ health issues. One son regrets not sending his mother to Florida to escape the cold climate, while the other son regrets the stress involved in sending his mother to Florida. Both men erroneously blame themselves for not better supporting their mothers, but Kushner emphasizes that neither man is at fault. He observes that misguided guilt compounds survivors’ grief and may isolate the bereaved from sources of support. To counteract the inclination toward self-blame, Kushner advises leaning on community-based support and actively forgiving oneself for being unable to counter or prevent something that is utterly beyond human control. He encourages mourners to focus on the love and effort that they offered their departed loved ones, rather than second-guessing themselves or regretting past actions. For example, instead of obsessing over whether a different medical decision could have saved a loved one, a mourner should focus on the care they gave and the moments of connection that they shared. This approach is particularly valuable in trauma recovery settings where ambiguous or sudden losses often lead surviving friends and relatives to experience unresolved guilt.

Kushner warns against using prayer to “bargain” with God or to obtain desired outcomes from a divine source. Instead, he reimagines prayer as a practice that is designed to increase internal resilience and cultivate emotional support. He contends that prayer is rarely effective in altering external events—such as curing illness or averting disaster—but it can help people to gain courage and clarity in the face of their challenges. In this sense, prayer itself aligns with modern psychological definitions of mindfulness, and the ritual of praying—either alone or as part of a supportive community—provides a wealth of comfort, as well as practical tools for emotional regulation and healing. For instance, someone facing a chronic illness may find comfort in prayer not because it promises a cure, but because it gives rise to stronger connections with friends and family and creates a sense of spiritual grounding. Religious leaders and spiritual caregivers can teach this mode of prayer as a meditative and communal practice, guiding people toward greater acceptance, endurance, and gratitude despite their current struggles. This perspective can be especially powerful for those who are disillusioned by traditional religious explanations of suffering.